A Heart's Lament

A Heart's Lament

        I hold up my phone with both of my hands. I look up to our online conversation. My last message for you is marked 'read' since a month ago. It's always been like this. It's always been me to initiate a conversation first and close it in the end. Call me desperate, but in my defense, it's the only way I can connect to you. Because you always respond nicely. But then, maybe it's because you're just that guy who kindly respond to others because you don't want them to feel bad. I hate you, and I hate myself for that. Because of your kindness, I always find myself falling back to you. And it hurts. It pains me so to believe that there's still hope yet in fact there truly isn't. Many people said that falling in love makes your heart fluttering with joy, but why mine isn't? The more I remember you, the more I picture your image in my mind, the more this chest feels tightened by this invisible rope called 'hopelessness'. I never want our talk to end, but you force me to. Yet whenever I feel like forgetting you, you force me to believe in hope again. You keep my heart shattered, and shattered again, and again. You're the devil, and I'm just your fool slave. Now tell me, how can you take responsibility for shaking my feelings like this?